Story Of My Life

In the eyes of a child
Its life is not yet tainted.
There is no hate,
Only an empty mind.

I wanted attention,
And it was never enough.
I wanted love,
And for the bullying to end. 

I had my moments of sadness,
And I had my moments of dismay,
But I would get used to it,
After our final move.

Dad left us alone,
But I was too young to know
Something was wrong.

I was okay.

I had my moments of trouble
Where I got called out of class.
Another kid having fun
To get rid of me.

I was okay.

I moved across the country,
Still wanting to be loved.

I wanted to be popular,
And I wanted to be pretty.
I could never see any of that in me.

I met a beautiful girl
Who became a friend.
I couldn't become separated;
We were one piece.

A year past and I became confused.
Seven months of sadness.
And an unusual love grew.

I hated myself for looking
At every girl I saw.

I hated myself for everything,
And I was only twelve.

I was tormented
By people behind
Keyboards and brightly
Glowing screens.

The anxiety took over
And I wished upon my demise.
I tried a way
To look inside, hoping to find life.

Another year of my young life passed,
And I was happy again.

Mom still didn't have a job,
Nor did she have a car,
But I was happy.
Somehow I was.

The sadness latched back onto me,
Only for two weeks to come.

I cried at night.
My screams could be heard by none.

I felt a rush
After each try
To once more
Look inside.

I became brainwashed
That there is nothing else to the world.

Along my journey I met some people
Who either tried to build me
Or break me.

I slowly survived through to the day
I became fourteen.

There was a girl I loved,
And I was certain that I was going to 
Be expelled from this world.
She made me happy.

I thought I knew
That this was wrong.

I drifted along
For months,
Aimlessly,
Taking anything that came at me.

I broke,
I cried,
I prayed for my demise.
I began once again to take looks inside.

The demons would yell at me.
They would call me fat,
And tell me not to eat,
So I listened.

Nobody payed attention to when I wouldn't eat at lunch,
But that made me happy.
The pounds dripped off,
And the clothes got bigger.

I was still ugly in my eyes.
I needed more.

My body got weak,
And I became tired.

There were days
Where I wanted to take myself away.

My friends noticed
And forced me to eat.
I was angry and I wanted to run away,
But I overcame the voices.

One day, It was far too late.
The one I loved and lived in my own house,
Found what I was hiding:
Me.

I stopped feeling.
I thought the world had ended,
But it was only just beginning. 

Paranoid thoughts loved to creep in.
I felt like I was being watched,
Sometimes traced,
Recorded, And never alone.

To this day
I live in my sadness
And flashbacks of the past,
Hoping some day that I will get my happy ending.